Why the first flowers a man receives shouldn't be on his coffin.

You may have seen it doing the rounds online lately, the same gentle, sad little truth resurfacing every few months. Most men receive their first flowers at their funeral.

It always stops me, because as a funeral celebrant working across Poole, Bournemouth, Christchurch, Salisbury and the wider Dorset area, I see it play out in real life more often than I would like.

I stand at the front of a chapel or a woodland burial ground in Dorset, surrounded by wreaths chosen with such care, and I think of the man lying there who may never once have been handed flowers while he was here to hold them.

This Father's Day, I wanted to write something a little different. Not a step-by-step guide, just a thought worth sitting with.

Why this resonates so widely

Men are so often the quiet supporters in a family story, the ones who show up, fix things, carry things, and rarely ask for much in return. Flowers have traditionally been seen as something given to women, or saved for weddings and funerals. But appreciation does not need an occasion. It just needs a moment, and the willingness to say it out loud, or hand someone a bunch of flowers and let them feel a little seen.

What I see as a celebrant

When I sit with families to plan a funeral or a celebration of life, the eulogies I help shape are full of the things people wished they had said sooner. The quiet thank yous. The "I never told him how much that meant." It is one of the reasons I love this work, helping families find the words, but it also leaves me hoping fewer of those words go unsaid while there is still time to say them.

A celebration of life does not have to wait until the end either. Some of the families I work with in Dorset choose to mark milestones, anniversaries and even "living tributes" while their loved one is still here to enjoy them. There is real comfort in letting someone hear their own eulogy while they are still in the room.

Before it's too late

There is a particular kind of regret I hear from families more than any other, and it usually starts the same way: I always meant to tell him. I always meant to tell him I noticed how hard he worked. I always meant to tell him I forgave him, or thanked him, or simply that I was proud to be his. Grief has a way of surfacing the things that were left unsaid, and by then there is no one left to say them to.

It does not need to be a grand gesture. A phone call. A card. Sitting across the table and actually finishing the sentence that usually trails off into "anyway, you know what I mean." He probably does know what you mean. But hearing it said out loud, while he can still take it in, lands differently than knowing it was meant.

If Father's Day has reminded you of someone you have been meaning to say something to, today is as good a day as any.

A small thing to do today

If you have a father, grandfather, husband, or father figure in your life and Father's Day has you thinking of him, this is your nudge. Buy the flowers. Say the thing. Let today be the ordinary, unremarkable moment that breaks the pattern.

And if you are ever planning a funeral or a celebration of life in Dorset and want help finding the words that say what truly needs to be said, I am always happy to talk.

Richard, Smartly Said Independent Civil Celebrant, working across Poole, Bournemouth, Christchurch, Salisbury and Dorset

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