How to write a eulogy, guidance from an experienced celebrant in Dorset and Hampshire

As an independent celebrant working with families across Poole, Bournemouth, Weymouth, the New Forest and Salisbury, I spend a great deal of time sitting quietly with people at one of the most tender moments of their lives. I listen as memories are shared, stories surface, laughter appears unexpectedly, and the weight of love and loss settles gently in the room.

And almost every time, the same question is asked, often softly and with uncertainty.

“How do we write a eulogy?”

This article is here to help answer that question. Not with a template, and not with a set of rules, but with thoughtful guidance drawn from years of supporting families and friends through funerals, memorials and celebrations of life across Dorset and Hampshire.

I have seen how powerful a well held eulogy can be, not because it is perfect, but because it is true. The right words, spoken with care, can shape how a life is remembered in the room and how people feel when they leave.

Many families I work with want to write the eulogy themselves, and that is something I wholeheartedly support. Others want help shaping their thoughts, reassurance that what they have written will sound right when spoken aloud, or gentle guidance on structure and tone. Some prefer to talk, sharing memories in conversation, and have the words crafted for them. There is no right or wrong way, only what feels right for you.

When you work with me as your celebrant, you are never expected to do this alone. Whether you are in Poole, Bournemouth, Weymouth, the New Forest or Salisbury, I am always available to help guide, advise, shape and refine a eulogy, even if you intend to write every word yourself. My role is not to take your voice away, but to help it come through clearly, calmly and authentically on the day.

What follows is practical, compassionate advice for writing a eulogy, whether you are a family member or a friend, shared with the hope that it brings clarity, confidence and a little reassurance at a difficult time.

A eulogy does not need to be perfect. It needs to be true, and spoken with care.

Writing a eulogy as a family member

1. Begin by grounding yourself

Before you start writing, pause. Take a breath. A eulogy is not a performance, it is a conversation with a room full of people who loved the same person you did. Try not to aim for perfection. Aim instead for honesty, warmth and presence.

2. Start with a story

Stories are where eulogies come alive. Rather than beginning with dates or facts, think about a moment that captures who they were. It might be a small, ordinary memory, a familiar habit, a phrase they always used, or the way they showed care. These details are often what people recognise and hold onto most.

3. Give your words a gentle structure

A simple shape can help your thoughts flow. Many family eulogies naturally move through three parts who they were;

their character and spirit

what they meant to you and your family

what stays with you now and always

This is not a rule, just a guide. Your eulogy should sound like you, not like a script.

4. Let truth be enough

You do not need polished language or poetic phrases. Speak as you would speak to them, or about them, in a quiet room. The people listening are not judging your words, they are receiving them.

5. When the words feel hard to find

Grief can make sitting down to write feel overwhelming. Many families find it easier to talk first, to share memories aloud, and allow the words to take shape gently.

This is where having someone alongside you can make a real difference, helping you find the language that is already there beneath the emotion.

I can help you write a eulogy that sounds like a life lived and means something to say

Writing a eulogy as a friend

1. Reflect on your unique connection

As a friend, you bring a special perspective. You may not have known every chapter of their life, but you knew them by choice, through shared experiences, laughter, support and trust. Think about what drew you to them, what moments stay with you, and how they showed up in your life.

2. Choose a thread to follow

Many friend eulogies work beautifully when they focus on a single theme, humour, loyalty, kindness, curiosity, creativity. Let that thread guide your stories and tone. Your voice and relationship are what make this tribute meaningful.

3. Tell stories that show who they were

A short story can say more than a long list of achievements. A moment you shared can reveal their generosity, their mischief, their steadiness or their warmth. These glimpses help everyone in the room know them a little better.

4. Honour the whole person

Lives are complex, and that is part of what makes them real. A eulogy does not need to smooth out every edge. It simply needs to feel honest, respectful and true to the person you knew.

5. Allow yourself support

Writing a eulogy as a friend can feel daunting, especially if public speaking is not something you are used to. Talking things through, shaping the structure and practising the delivery can transform anxiety into confidence. You do not have to do this alone.

How I can help as your celebrant

Writing a eulogy often feels like holding something precious and fragile. You know what it means, but you are unsure how to place it into words. My role as your celebrant is not to take your voice away, but to help it emerge clearly and confidently.

When you work with me, I offer space, time and reassurance. I am always available to families and friends who wish to write their own eulogy, whether that is to talk things through, help structure the piece, refine the wording, or practise reading it aloud. Many people start by saying, I want to write it myself, and that is absolutely fine. My support sits alongside you, not instead of you.

For those who prefer to share memories in conversation, I can also help shape those stories into a spoken tribute that reflects the person faithfully and beautifully. On the day itself, I ensure everything is held calmly, from pacing and tone to transitions and delivery.

A final word, and an open invitation

Writing a eulogy is an act of love. It is a way of saying, this life mattered, and this is how we remember them. There is no single right way to do it, only the way that feels honest and true to the person you are honouring.

If you are reading this and feeling unsure, overwhelmed, or simply wanting a steady hand alongside you, please know that support is always available. Whether you would like help shaping your own words, reassurance that what you have written will sound right when spoken aloud, or someone to gently craft the eulogy from shared memories and conversation, I am here to help.

I work with families and friends across Poole, Bournemouth, Weymouth, the New Forest and Salisbury, offering calm guidance, thoughtful structure and a compassionate presence throughout the process. Even if you plan to write the eulogy yourself, you are very welcome to lean on my experience. You do not have to carry this alone.

If you would like to talk, ask a question, or simply explore what support might look like for you, you can get in touch below. There is no pressure and no obligation, just an open conversation, held with care.

Contact Richard